The Chosen Paths
by The Merrill Kid
Summary: Matsuda suffers the aftermath of Kira's defeat, and Sayu finds more than she had ever expected when investigating her brother's death.
1. Another Death

**Note:** Konichiwa! This is my first _Death Note_ fanfic I've ever written (and which I don't own, by the way), and I hope it'll turn out successful. I have sooo much planned for it! So, you know the drill, read and review. :) Flame, love, crit — all welcome, I'm a chill person.

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**Part One: Prologue**

  
>The engulfing scent of cherry blossoms reminded Matsuda of some folk song. Slowly, the car he drove progressed through the hectic traffic as he hummed the first verse of the old hymn. It was surprisingly bright weather for such a dismal day, and he couldn't help perceiving it as an omen. An omen indicating that perhaps the death of Kira was beneficial for the world. Blinking hard, Matsuda couldn't bring himself to believe this thought. From the beginning, he'd always had a certain feeling deep within him believing that Kira was not evil, but was, in fact, righteous.<p><p>

However, the last moments of Kira had only let Matsuda's doubts consume whatever faith he had in Kira – Light Yagami. Light had used the remaining breath of life he had to scream only death threats against the people who bore witness, instigating a not only a pitying sentiment within Matsuda, but also a feeling of disillusionment. So, this is how the world of Kira will end, he'd thought, biting his lip and trying not to seem so childish. _Damn it!_ As his hands clenched the steering wheel, he could feel tears prickling his eyes. Ide would definitely laugh at him for being so emotional, but it could not be helped.

His humming halted when he pulled into the driveway of a plain, but out-of-the-way, country house. It would be rather unorthodox of him to appear on the doorstep of a soon-to-be-mourning family while humming, even if it was in a less than cheerful. Parking his car, he couldn't help thinking if he wasn't feeling so serious, he would have forgotten about the humming. Shaking his head, he scorned himself for being such a foolish person.

It did not take as long for Matsuda to reach the doorstep of the Yagami home than he'd thought. The hour before, he kept envisioning himself taking an eternity for each step it took to reach the house. In reality, it took him only a few seconds. Nonetheless, it took moments to raise his hand to rap on the mahogany door. A quiet tock echoed through the house as his knuckles knocked against the wood.

"Who is it?" a muffled voice emitted from inside.

Rubbing his neck, Matsuda quietly replied, "It's Touta Matsuda."

"Touta... Oh! Matsuda, come in," the voice responded. From the other side of the wood, Matsuda could hear an audible click as the door unlocked. It opened to reveal an old, thin face; a ghost of the former wife of the respected chief. Guilt pricked his throat when he realized that she looked older and thinner than the last time he'd seen her – the chief's funeral. The death of her husband had taken a toll on her health, it seemed.

_Why me?_ Matsuda silently begged Aizawa, an echo of his question from earlier.

_"This is an order,"_ was the reply, but it was an unsatisfactory response. Matsuda couldn't help but think it was because he'd practically killed Light himself was the explanation for his being sent to inform the Yagamis. It was a foolish thought, but he knew those were the only types of thoughts he could ever produce. To everyone, he was just a fool, an idiot, and/or a hindrance. There was no denying it. It wasn't simply unspoken thoughts; people told him this on a daily basis, and it could only be true.

Gazing into Sachiko's pain-filled eyes, he sensed that she knew what was going to come. Visions of thick, crimson blood spilling down her face like tears flashed through his mind – Light's blood. Holding back the overwhelming surprise of the vision, Matsuda proceeded to enter the country home.

"Uh, you should sit down, Sachiko-san," he said, toying with the cuffs on his suit.

"You wouldn't like any tea or beverage of that sort?" she asked, as she took a spot in the armchair. Matsuda took a place on the futon.

Matsuda shook his head. "N-no, that won't be necessary, Sachiko-san," he stuttered, focusing on the withering bonsai on the coffee table.

Before Sachiko could reply, the sound of heavy steps resonated from the stairs, indicating the youngest Yagami's presence, Sayu. As soon as her eyes met their visitor's, they brightened and a grin cracked across her face. "Hello, Matsuda, what brings you here?" she asked, her smile quickly faltering when she could see that Matsuda didn't have that characteristic goof of a smile. That frown was so aberrant to see the man without a careless grin on his face.

"You should sit as well, Sayu," Matsuda said. His voice sounded very strained. The stress and depression of the previous twenty-four hours had finally taken its toll upon his exterior, let alone his interior. "I..." His voice cracked and weakened.

Sitting down next to Matsuda on the futon, Sayu finally interrupted the silence. "What has brought you here, Matsada-sama?" she said, her voice softening.

Matsuda looked up from his cuffs in surprise at the term of address. No one had ever referred him to 'sama' before. While he was touched at the same time, the guilt continued to tear him apart. "Sayu, Sachiko-san," he said, the strain overpowering the strength of his words, "Your son, your brother, I'm regretting to say, has passed away."

The next few moments seem to pass by in slow motion. Sachiko's face crumpled as tears threatened to spill. Sayu's hands clapped over her mouth. She didn't seem to be crying, but it looked as though she was trying hard not to. Her mother, on the other, could not conceal the emotion, and began sobbing. "H-h-how...?" she choked out.

Matsuda smoothed out the wrinkled cuffs, and returned to playing with them. "He died of a heart attack." Watching the two helpless women pour out their emotions and become overwrought with the news of another death in their family. Yet, this time, this death wasn't instigated by some careless action or orchestrated by Kira; no, this time it was at the hands of Matsuda himself.

_"Stop saying that,"_ Aizawa told him whenever the young man would put himself at blame. Despite the fact that Light's true killer was the Shinigami, Matsuda was no less guilty, as well. He'd pulled the trigger not once, but five times. If Ryuk hadn't interfered, Light would have died of blood loss either way.

The silence was overbearing, but he did not dare break it. Fortunately (and unfortunately), it was Sayu. "A heart at-attack?" she asked, her voice far more steady than her mother's (or even Matsuda's, at that thought). Her wide, childlike eyes gazed at Matsuda, begging for answers.

As rehearsed, Matsuda replied with, "There was an incident. We were meeting with people holding information on the Kira case when he had the heart attack." He paused. "Kira had only one true opponent, and that was Light. He killed your brother." The statement was colored with an unintentional dramatic flare, and met with a pregnant silence.

Matsuda stopped playing with his cuffs. The lie felt like poison on his tongue. He was such a bad liar, which furthered his questioning of Aizawa's decision to have him deal with the Yagamis.

Sayu could not hold back any longer, and let out a loud sob. "I-I can't b-believe it!" To Matsuda's surprise, she grabbed his arm and began sobbing into his coat. This deeply shook him. The lie seemed to be eating him up, and he couldn't bear have the young women be so close to him — her brother's killer.

"I'm really sorry," he managed to say. "I'm really, really sorry." It was taking too much effort for him to avoid crying.

"D-don't apologize, Matsuda, this isn't your fault," Sachiko said, her face distraught.

But it was his fault. It was his entire, goddamn fault. _No one but the SPK and the NPA members of the Kira case will ever know the truth, though,_ he thought, but knowing himself, he couldn't possibly live with the lie he'd fed the family, but it was finished. One day, all of this will be nothing but a memory.

It should be nothing but a memory.

**Note:** Good? Bad? Ugly? OMGWTFBBQ? 


	2. Pain and Distress

**Konichiwa! I have returned with another chapter. I'm not too happy with this one, but hey, there's a lot of angst. Oh, and humongous thanks to the reviews! I super appreciate them. :D And also thanks to oursolemnhour49 who corrected me on Japanese honorifics. I'm not from Japan, so I'll totally be wrong about a few things. Without further ado, read on!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own **_**Death Note **_**(*sob*).**

In the earlier days of his career, Matsuda recalled having to deal with families of victims. When doing so, he'd make sure to be as sympathetic and caring as possible. It wasn't a difficult job for an emotional person like him – people found him to be rather comforting. He did his best, even if it meant standing around for an hour with a grieving fiancé sobbing into his shoulder. That was probably why the chief (_no, the deputy director... the former deputy director, that is_) had always sent him to perform this task.

Fortunately, Matsuda didn't have to remain at the Yagami home for so long. He was very willing to offer the mother and her daughter his comfort, but he wasn't sure how long he could last without breaking down himself. "You can leave us, Matsuda-kun," Sachiko said, her tone failing to steady. Her tone wasn't brusque, but there was that obvious urging for the two women to be left alone. Respecting her wishes, Matsuda stood up to leave.

"Take care," he said, bowing his head.

Leaving the house with the door firmly closed behind him, Matsuda finally exhaled. During the entire time he was in there, he'd been holding his breath in hopes of avoiding letting anything go; whether it was the crushing emotions, or the urges to tell the truth. He was mildly surprised that they didn't see through his fallacies – he wasn't very good at acting. Improvising had always been easier than repeating rehearsed lines.

Striding to his car, Matsuda glanced back at the house and could make out the shapes of Sayu embracing her mother as they cried in unison. They paid no attention as he slid into the driver's seat with tears falling into his lap. "I'm an idiot," he muttered, pushing strands of messy hair from his face. "A fucking retard." The tainting imprecations unexpectedly left a satisfied feeling in his chest. It felt good to utter curses under his breath as if it were nothing. Typically, he wouldn't be so vulgar, but the anger bubbling inside of him could not be resisted.

It took over an hour to return to his apartment. In the underground parking, he was glad for the darkness to shade whatever emotions he was displaying. Matsuda was a projector when it came to sentiment. If he was upset, his face would crumple with grief and he might even sob. If he was angry (which didn't happen very often), his eyebrows would furl and his hands would gesticulate as he spoke in an animated tone. He projected emotion, and it was too difficult to conceal this.

With a sigh of distress, he slipped his hand into his coat pocket and pulled out his cell phone. Flipping it open, he scrolled through the contacts and clicked on the one labelled 'Aizawa'. A few seconds passed and he pressed the 'talk' button. After only one ring, the phone picked up. "Moshi-moshi?" answered the very recognizable voice of his superior, Aizawa.

"It's... it's me, Aizawa."

"Matsu?" The tone evidently softened. "Did you visit the Yagamis?"

Matsuda could only reply, "Ah, yes, I did."

From the other end, he could hear the sound of movement, and he recognized the voice of Mogi and Ide. However, he could not distinguish what they were saying. It took moments before Aizawa responded to Matsuda's affirming answer. "Are you alright?" he said. The soft, almost caring tone was far too uncharacteristic for the typically rough cop. He almost found himself wishing for the gruff voice.

"I'm fine," he lied. He knew that he wasn't okay, but he didn't want the others worrying about him or think that he was too weak to get over what had happened. Remembering their ashen faces as Light writhed in pain and their strong grip on Matsuda's arms, he knew that it wouldn't take long before this was all forgotten. For the young cop, he wished that it could only be a memory. Yet, very time he tried to think of other things, visions of Light contorting in pain and raising an accusatory finger at Matsuda would fill his stream of consciousness and nothing else.

_It's all over, idiot, _he told himself; _you won't have to think of Kiras or Light Yagami or anything pertaining to that, ever again. Move on, and live your life... _unlike the Yagamis. Because of Kira, because of Matsuda, they would never recover from this incident. Forever, they'll be reminded that they no longer had a husband, father, son, or brother.

"You're not fine."

It was a direct statement. Aizawa's tone had hardened, but most of the rigidity wasn't aimed to reprimand Matsuda.

"I don't know, Aizawa." Matsuda sighed. "Sayu and Sachiko won't ever be alright. I can't believe Kira – no, Light – would ever put them through all of this. They'll—"

"Shut up, Matsu." Matsuda shut his mouth, and spoke no longer. "Take the next two weeks off. Relax, go on vacation, do whatever, but don't think about them." _Them _being Yagamis. "You're not to blame, at all. You didn't kill anyone, and everyone knows that."

Matsuda remained silent, but he knew that Aizawa was lying through his teeth. Everyone knew Matsuda was just as much at fault as Ryuk and Light.

"Take care," Aizawa said, echoing Matsuda's earlier gesture to the Yagamis.

Matsuda snapped the phone shut without a goodbye or any other parting words. Just great... he wasn't going to work for two weeks.

Two weeks was going to be a long time.

**ooo**

It was unbelievable.

"_He's gone, mother."_

"_He fought Kira until the end. He was a noble man."_

"_Your son, your brother, I'm regretting to say, has passed away__."_

Sachiko could only think of the past year as **unbelievable. **Within the past year, she'd not only lost one loved one, but two. Three, if you could count Sayu's current state as 'lost'. It was unbelievable that after Sayu had finally begun recovering from her kidnapping and father's death, the young cop had to come and announce a second death. Didn't the Lord above understand that a family shouldn't suffer so much heartbreak?

There probably wasn't a God above to even listen to her prayers. The only 'God' who had any confirmation of an existence was the man who had destroyed her family – Kira. Maybe 'God' took pleasure in tearing families apart as if they were only dolls to play for a while with and discard when no longer needed. He could only be a cruel person to have gone this far to devastate her family.

Tears of pain, anger, mourn poured from her eyes, and she was beginning to find it hard to breath.

_This world is such a joke_, she thought. _Death is only a game, now._

In hope of comforting her distraught daughter and in search for comfort of her own, she held Sayu close to her chest. Her beige vest was starting to grow moist with the young woman's salty tears, and Sachiko's own trickled down her cheeks and fell onto the girl's head, mingling with dark strands of hair. _People don't consider the penalty of ending other's lives. _From the beginning, she had hated Kira. When her husband had announced his participation on the case, she begun to hate the man, God, whatever, even more.

Kira wasn't justice. He wrecked families. As years passed, the toll of the case was evident on Soichiro's face, a face that Sachiko came to barely see. After Light graduated and also joined the hunt, her hate was fuelled. As a young woman, she'd always been told not to hate, or that could consume a person. Those teachings no longer matter, especially when Kira ripped her husband and son away from her.

Kira was **not **justice, but an entirely evil being, and nothing less.

**You know the drill. Thanks for reading!**


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